I learned to juggle....which is a good thing since my life has become a circus!

I want to start off by saying first thank you if you are still a follower. I know I disappeared for a while. I missed blogging. I have been a little busy though. I was trying to figure out this whole Mommy of 2 deal. I feel like I have came a long way from where I was in the beginning. I am not ashamed to admit that at first I didn't think I could do it. I let things get to me. I had a few days where I would call my husband crying and have a mini-meltdown. A few times both kids were crying the house was a mess and lots of things had gone wrong so I sat down and had a good cry with them. It started getting better when I learned a few things.... I figured out that there will never be enough hours in the day, that I will never have enough hands, and that I am not super woman so I just can't do it all at once. I am a perfectionist...and I am learning to let go of perfection. It was really stressful at first. Trying to do everything and expecting so much from myself. I started slowly but surely letting things go and relaxing a little more. Guess what happened...I started really enjoying being a Mom of 2. I was missing out on the little pleasures because I was hyperventilating over the house and other stuff beyond my control. Now I am not saying I don't still get overwhelmed or have rough days...but I certainly have fewer than before. I have also started going to the gym and working out a few days a week. I try and eat healthier. So far I have lost a total of 34lbs since I had the baby. I was trying to lose weight before I got pregnant with the baby so it brings my total up to 67lbs lost in all! I am so excited about that. That has really helped me feel better. I have so much more energy...and let me tell you I need all I can get. I am going to be blogging more (anything is more especially since I haven't in forever!) So check back later this week I have a few things in the works. Keep in mind that blogging will basically be another ball that I will be juggling so give me a chance to work it into the routine. I promise though that I won't drop the ball...

I am back sorta...

I realize its been forever since I have been on here...So here is a quick update. My little man stayed a little more than a week in the NICU. I was so busy running back and forth to see him and taking care of my 18 month old (who is now almost 20 months) that I couldn't post much. Then when he finally got home the real choas began. We had to take him to the doctor to be checked every couple of days for weight and I can report that the little chunk now weights 9lbs and 7ozs. Taking care of two kidlets all day and the house is pretty much sucking all of my energy up...but I am happy to report that I have been making jams, jellies and drying fruit. So I promise I will be back with another post on that soon. Plus I will be posting pictures... Be back soon...a little is crying and I have to rush off.

S is in NICU

S was born by C-section Friday 5/21. He weighed 8lbs and 3 Oz at just 36 weeks. His lungs were mature and had he not inhaled amniotic fluid he would be home right now. Instead he is in the NICU battling pneumonia. He has been on a breather. He has an i.v. in the side of his head. He has a feeding tube and he is also on a jaundice light. Pray for my little one he improves everyday...but not fast enough to calm a Mom's heart.

C-section today

Its 1:50 am as I sit writing this. I should be asleep but I can't. I went to the doctor Thursday for a regular check up... There just wasn't anything regular about it. My doctor wanted to immediately send me to the hospital to get an emergency
C-section....but she and I came to an agreement and instead I will be having a
C-section here shortly. I needed time. A moment to breath in my son as an only son. A little later today his whole world will change and I wanted to give him one more day of what he was used to. We went out and had dinner as a family of 3 for the last time. I didn't know how sad I would feel at this...or how guilty. Why do I feel so guilty? I am not excited at the prospect of what I will go through today. I won't be given an epidural or spinal tap due to complications caused by my cancer years ago. I will be put under general anesthesia. So instead of being able to immediately enjoy my new son I will be out for hours. Don't get me wrong I am looking forward to meeting the new little guy...but there is a part of me that is so sad. I am only 36 weeks pregnant maybe if I had a little longer I would feel differently. I would be ready for this....I knew this new path was coming up in my life...I just wasn't ready to walk on it yet..

So please if you pray say a prayer for me and my family...no matter what your religion or what your belief...Think of us today and send good thoughts good energy and even love our way....because I need it...we all do.

As far as blogging you may not see me for a while. I will be back when I can.

A walk on the farm

We went to my Mom and Dad's one night this past week for dinner. It was a simple dinner. I got to pick the menu....partly because I am pregnant and mostly because I begged...lol. I asked for breakfast. My Mom made her biscuits and sausage gravy and I took a breakfast casserole. My grandparents were there. After we ate I dragged everybody out for a walk...It was a long slow lazy walk around the farm and here are a few of the pictures I took.



The wheat is almost ready for harvest.




H the one time I could get him to stop running....he slept good that night!



The honeysuckle is starting to take over...notice its almost covering a gate.




I dropped behind to take a shot of everbody slowly walking along...ofcourse no one noticed...What if I was fell over having contractions??...no one would have noticed...lol

Wordless Wednesday

picture title: Pawpaw's glasses

I am still here and pregnant.

Just wanted to stop by and say I am still here...and currently still pregnant. Right at this moment I am 34 weeks and 3days pregnant. Last week I had a long visit to labot and delivery where they started giving me the steroid shots to mature his lungs. I go every Monday and Thursday to the doctors office and get monitored. Today there was talk of doing my c-section next week. I walked away from the office feeling a little sad. Hopefully I can stay pregnant as long as possible for the little guys sake. I know its not a long post just wanted to say I am still here and haven't forgot about you...so don't forget about me!