Tuesday, December 29, 2009

Nice to Meet Me.

So this is my hi. My introduction to blog-land. This may be a long one because I don't know how to introduce myself with just a brief hi there and be sure that you get the feel of who I am and what this is about....They say first impressions are important. However I totally want some slack cut here. I just got my 1 year old back to sleep and I am 4 months pregnant. Also factor in that I hosted Christmas at my house this year.....What was I thinking??? I am going to blame it on the hormones they made me think I am invincible.... Just so you can picture it a brief description of the mayhem. A large southern family gathered in a space that although large enough theoretically to hold them seemed to shrink as the hours passed. I cooked, baked and cleaned house like a mad woman for a week before. The house was spotless the place was shiny...then enter stage left the people that I am blood related to...and let the insanity begin. We had an arguing married couple, an angry toddler, a grandfather hard of hearing so everyone was speaking very loudly, a grandmother that is also hard of hearing and even harder at understanding, an overwhelmed hormonal cook/hostess, and the icing on the cake one drunken relative. All in all I really enjoyed my family I always do. The married couple made up before they left...the toddler got a nap...the family is always loud so the hard of hearing doesn't make a difference...grandma likes to repeat herself so eventually someone gets it...the hormonal cook and hostess has some really good memories and the drunken relative will be given a hard time into 2010(not to mention we have pics of them being goofy...ha blackmail is sweet). My family is far from perfect, but they don't have to be. This blog is about my real life. I want this for a written memory...so that someday my kids and I can look back and see our adventures....now on to the real intro.

My name is Cas. I have been married for 3 years to a great man who has also turned out to be a great father. We had our first son in November 2008. I am currently pregnant and won't find out the sex until late Jan. 2010. I don't have a preference healthy is all that matters. (I do however have a sneaky suspicion its a girl). I am currently in remission from A. M. L Leukemia. When I was diagnosed in 1998 I was told that it was terminal. At the time they discovered the cancer I had no symptoms other than tiredness. I was a normal 17 year old girl. I had a job and was in high school. I just happened to apply for another job that required a physical....needless to say they seen something in my blood work and sent me to a hematologist/oncologist. I was naive as was my family. We didn't even know what oncologist meant. So when they gave me 2 weeks to live it came as quite a blow. I was offered an experimental type of chemotherapy that the doctors hoped would give me 2 months(they were just full of lovely news that day). I took that chemo after alot of begging and pleading from my family. I didn't want to take it because they told me how sick it was going to make me at the time I wasn't sick at all and didn't want to get that way. The cancer went into remission within 3days of the first round of chemo. None of my doctors ever believed it was gone. I took 7 rounds of chemo. Each round lasted from 5-7 days and had between 2-4 different types of meds in them. It took me a year and a half to finish the chemo the doctors had mapped out. In that year I almost died 4 times. I wound up in ICU one of those times with a blood pressure of 50/20. My whole family stood around me and said their good byes after the doctor told them it was the end. I was supposedly unconscious but I was there. I heard them all. I felt their love and their sorrow. Through all of this my 17 year old invincible mentality never let me believe the doctors when they said I was going to die. I am here today because of a miracle. The cancer never came back after that first chemo. I was officially declared in remission in 1999 personally I count it from the 3rd day of my first chemo. I grew up quick after having been diagnosed with a terminal illness. I walked away with a different view on life. I am me. I make mistakes. I am never perfect. I have spent time with a therapist because although I never feared or thought about death while I was sick those fears and worries stayed with me. I am learning to deal with the aftermath and scars it left so that I am able to enjoy the gift of today without worrying about yesterday or tomorrow.

I was diagnosed later with PCOS. Because I don't ovulate I was told I would not be able to have children without 1) weight loss and 2) fertility treatments. I did the weight loss thing (well a little..I could always use more) Then I tried the fertility treatments. I didn't respond to the first stages and was told that I would have to go through a more extensive cycle with no guarantee of being able to conceive. I will probably say this again but I really don't like doctors , their offices', waiting for tests, or hospitals. So telling me that I would have to have more of all those things to have a kid....not to mention $$$$ ended my dream of having a family (or so I thought). My husband is supportive so when I told him in Feb. 2008 I was done. I didn't want to go through anymore he readily agreed. We love each other and he said that was enough.....fast-forward to June 2008 for months I had been sick and tired. I started getting scared. I thought that maybe my cancer was back. I took my very scared and emotional self to the doctor. I cried and told my doctor everything. What I thought was wrong(don't look up symptoms on the Internet people) and she has been my doctor for 10+ years so she knows my whole story. She calmly said lets run some tests. Now at my doctors office they automatically make you give a urine sample when you get there. They do a standard protein and sugar test on everyone. My doctor literally walked out of the office to order blood tests but came flying back in not 2 mins later. She had a stunned look on her face and I was totally going to pass out or panic or maybe both till she blurted...your pregnant...So I did pass out and when I came around I panicked....A blurry ultrasound later ( crying my eyes out people) I found out I was 15 weeks pregnant.... So lots of test and ultrasounds for many months to come confirmed that my baby boy was healthy. Although born 5 wks early by emergency c-section (more on that later) he breathed on his own and was released from the hospital before me.

Fast-forward again to 7 months after he is born and I am not feeling good again results in an appointment with an endocrinologist specialist (I totally self diagnosed of the Internet) Confirms my suspicions that my thyroid is messed up. I was diagnosed with post-partum thyroidism and given meds. This doctor was actually a fertility specialist and he did a complete analysis on me (unasked). He then proceeds to tell me it was a miracle I got pregnant in the first place. I don't have enough estrogen or progesterone to actually get pregnant and then maintain it. He also told me that I would probably not be able to get pregnant on my own again....I wasn't upset. I had my miracle baby and that was enough. I am thankful especially when I know there are so many other people that want babies. I was content just to pray and hope for them. So he says come back in 12 wks so I can re-check your blood to make sure you are responding to the meds. I came back still tired and not feeling well and was totally convinced (I am dramatic) that my thyroid was worse not better. So I get there and they do a huge blood draw and I leave with an appointment to come back in 5 days so the doctor can re-evaluate my med cycle.....but then 45 mins later my cell phone is ringing its my doctors number is showing. Which starts an instant panic attack (hello in remission from cancer here). I answer the phone breathing heavy (totally obscene phone call in the making). My doctor tells me to calm down and that my blood work is fine but my hcg levels are really high. Ummm...hello doctor speak english am I dying was my response. He casually says no but your really pregnant....Have you ever seen father of the bride II? Where Steve Martin gets the news his wife is pregnant and totally panics. He says alot of stuff that is not understandable and then passes out....My husband tells me that was my reaction (I have made him watch that movie too many times apparently). However instead of that reaction in the privacy of a office I did that in Target. So now we are on baby number 2 aka the nugget.

I know this post was long. Maybe a little bit longer than what it should have been (who am I kidding this post was a mini novel). I just wanted you to get a good idea of who I am. Its never boring here. Stick around and find out.


Unknown said...

Reading your story made me cry, smile & laugh all at the same time! Fellow Southern Belle with PCOS here with 4 miracle children & 1 Angel!

I was born in Alabama, lived in Georgia a while & now reside in NC! Nice to meet you!

Cas said...

I am so glad you liked it. It was theraputic telling the whole thing. Wow...4 miracles and 1 angel. I think women who have PCOS lose hope because they don't get to often hear the stories about women who still have kids. Its part of the reason I wanted to tell my story because I lost hope and I want to give some back to those out there with the same thing.