C-section today

Its 1:50 am as I sit writing this. I should be asleep but I can't. I went to the doctor Thursday for a regular check up... There just wasn't anything regular about it. My doctor wanted to immediately send me to the hospital to get an emergency
C-section....but she and I came to an agreement and instead I will be having a
C-section here shortly. I needed time. A moment to breath in my son as an only son. A little later today his whole world will change and I wanted to give him one more day of what he was used to. We went out and had dinner as a family of 3 for the last time. I didn't know how sad I would feel at this...or how guilty. Why do I feel so guilty? I am not excited at the prospect of what I will go through today. I won't be given an epidural or spinal tap due to complications caused by my cancer years ago. I will be put under general anesthesia. So instead of being able to immediately enjoy my new son I will be out for hours. Don't get me wrong I am looking forward to meeting the new little guy...but there is a part of me that is so sad. I am only 36 weeks pregnant maybe if I had a little longer I would feel differently. I would be ready for this....I knew this new path was coming up in my life...I just wasn't ready to walk on it yet..

So please if you pray say a prayer for me and my family...no matter what your religion or what your belief...Think of us today and send good thoughts good energy and even love our way....because I need it...we all do.

As far as blogging you may not see me for a while. I will be back when I can.