Friday, May 21, 2010

C-section today

Its 1:50 am as I sit writing this. I should be asleep but I can't. I went to the doctor Thursday for a regular check up... There just wasn't anything regular about it. My doctor wanted to immediately send me to the hospital to get an emergency
C-section....but she and I came to an agreement and instead I will be having a
C-section here shortly. I needed time. A moment to breath in my son as an only son. A little later today his whole world will change and I wanted to give him one more day of what he was used to. We went out and had dinner as a family of 3 for the last time. I didn't know how sad I would feel at this...or how guilty. Why do I feel so guilty? I am not excited at the prospect of what I will go through today. I won't be given an epidural or spinal tap due to complications caused by my cancer years ago. I will be put under general anesthesia. So instead of being able to immediately enjoy my new son I will be out for hours. Don't get me wrong I am looking forward to meeting the new little guy...but there is a part of me that is so sad. I am only 36 weeks pregnant maybe if I had a little longer I would feel differently. I would be ready for this....I knew this new path was coming up in my life...I just wasn't ready to walk on it yet..

So please if you pray say a prayer for me and my matter what your religion or what your belief...Think of us today and send good thoughts good energy and even love our way....because I need it...we all do.

As far as blogging you may not see me for a while. I will be back when I can.


Victoria said...

You are a strong girl. Things will work out fine, and when tomorrow comes you'll be an amazing mom of 2 handsome boys! :) I can't wait to see pics!
Love and prayers your way!

Candi said...

I'm sorry you are having some sad moments. But think of the love you'll have for BOTH your babies. It's an overwhelming love. I know, I have two myself. Enjoy the moments when you get home. Hope it goes well.